As children we were promised that we would grow up to be big and strong. We looked up to older kids because they could run faster, jump higher and stand taller; we couldn’t wait to be like them. However, after about nine years of being in the front row for Picture Day, I started to wonder if this whole “puberty” thing would ever happen to me. I am not sure if it is because I did not sleep enough, I did not drink enough milk or because I never forwarded a chain message in middle school, but my growth spurt never really came. Since the day that I accepted the fact that I will probably be 5 feet 6 inches for the rest of my life, I have endured several minor tragedies. For example, when I go to Wal-Mart to get a video game that one must be 17 to purchase, the manager always needs to come over because no cashier believes that I am 17 years old, let alone 20. I have also been told that I would be attractive if I was taller, which is kind of nice until you realize that I will never be taller so ultimately, in that person’s eyes, I will never be attractive. A few times on my way to class I have even gotten mistook for a perspective student that has become separated from his tour group. Though instances like those have been massive blows to my ego, there are many more reasons why I am proud of my height deficiency. This one goes out to all of those who always have enough leg room on airplanes and were told “you must be this tall to ride” until the late teen years.

 

No One Will Ask to Help Move Them in or Out

Due to the fact that I am shorter than the average male I am perceived to be weak. While this is almost certainly true, this perception does have its upsides! If someone needs big boxes and furniture moved, he/she is going to ask his/her Division I athlete friend, not a 5-foot-7-inch former marching band member. It looks like I am safe.

 

You’re Not Expected to Be Tough

On a similar note, much less is expected when it comes to weight lifting, pain tolerance and pretty much endurance of any kind.

Situation: You are feeling tired after a 10-minute run.

Excuse: I have short legs.

Situation: You can only bench press 20 pounds at the gym.

Excuse: I have small arms.

Situation: You take your roommate’s car keys without permission to go to Cookout and accidentally get in a crash and total his new Jeep.

Excuse: Hey, we all make mistakes.

 

The Children’s Section Costs Less Than the Men’s/Women’s Section

A few months ago I decided to perform an experiment in order to prove a point. I found that a shirt at Gap, labeled as a small in the Men’s section, costs more than an identical shirt at Gap Kids labeled as a children’s XXL. Though being shorter does not always mean a smaller waist size, I would say the correlation is strong. This rule of saving money by shopping in the kid’s section also goes for underwear and socks, that is if you are comfortable wearing boxers with characters from Minions and Bob the Builder depicted on them. Save money. Live better. Small-Mart.

I’m not lying:

Gap Kids: http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=6995&vid=1&pid=170904002

Gap Men’s: http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=1027115&vid=1&pid=178241012

The Limbo

The limbo is a short man’s game! We have the home-court advantage every time! While we have Mr. 7-foot breaking his spine to advance to the third round, I will still walk right under without the slightest bit of struggle. Though Mr. 7-foot is probably doing a lot better in terms of getting girls: don’t mess with me at the limbo, I will win. I have the participation ribbons to prove it.

 

You Don’t Have to Worry About Blocking Peoples’ Views

For those of us with mild to life-altering social anxiety, this is a big one. Whether it’s in a class, at a concert or in a movie theater there is always the possibility of blocking someone’s view by sitting in front of them. However, if you are on the shorter side, you do not need to slouch over in order to be courteous.

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